Wednesday, August 27, 2008
just starting out...
So I decided to create one of these so i can get some things out of my head. Recently I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I know I need a lot of spiritual growth. I am anxious for new things to come, but at the same time I am nervous for my future.
Being young is awesome. being young should mean being free, but my financial status limits my freedom in this society. i don't like that. perhaps i have the wrong mentality about it...
I just got done with school which took 2 extremely short years. I sometimes wonder if IPR was the best choice for my post-high school education. I know I learned a lot, but i honestly didn't realize how competitive the music industry really is. I know i can make it, but i also know success isn't going to come easily.
I am jealous of my friends traveling the world right now. Peter is in korea, jostlund is in thailand, max is going to italy...it makes me want to travel and see the rest of the world.
living at my dad's house should have made things a lot more simple financially, but ever since i have moved in here i have seemed to lose my mental clarity.
I need a job. money sucks. i love all of my friends, but i feel like some of them are bringing me down...especially mary jane. i can't smoke pot anymore and i can't get drunk anymore. my partying days need to come to an end. they are only creating a distraction for me and the things i need to accomplish.
I need to be more strong mentally. I need to be more strong physically. I need to stop this endless cycle of self destruction. i steal because i cant afford. but why do I want these items so badly? why can't i just work to be able to afford the things I want. to me this seems much more rewarding.
how can i become the person that i want to be?
how can i break my co-dependence on adriana?
what makes me happy?
what do i want to achieve in life?
who do i want to be? as in what kind of traits would i like?
what am i looking for in a woman?
what can i do to be happy again?
what can i do to be stronger?
these are questions i need to answer for myself. perhaps some of you have some words of encouragement or advice. I am going to see a psychologist later this week and i hope that he can help answer some of these questions.
anyway, this has been a time of rambling but a good time none-the-less.
good night and good luck
Being young is awesome. being young should mean being free, but my financial status limits my freedom in this society. i don't like that. perhaps i have the wrong mentality about it...
I just got done with school which took 2 extremely short years. I sometimes wonder if IPR was the best choice for my post-high school education. I know I learned a lot, but i honestly didn't realize how competitive the music industry really is. I know i can make it, but i also know success isn't going to come easily.
I am jealous of my friends traveling the world right now. Peter is in korea, jostlund is in thailand, max is going to italy...it makes me want to travel and see the rest of the world.
living at my dad's house should have made things a lot more simple financially, but ever since i have moved in here i have seemed to lose my mental clarity.
I need a job. money sucks. i love all of my friends, but i feel like some of them are bringing me down...especially mary jane. i can't smoke pot anymore and i can't get drunk anymore. my partying days need to come to an end. they are only creating a distraction for me and the things i need to accomplish.
I need to be more strong mentally. I need to be more strong physically. I need to stop this endless cycle of self destruction. i steal because i cant afford. but why do I want these items so badly? why can't i just work to be able to afford the things I want. to me this seems much more rewarding.
how can i become the person that i want to be?
how can i break my co-dependence on adriana?
what makes me happy?
what do i want to achieve in life?
who do i want to be? as in what kind of traits would i like?
what am i looking for in a woman?
what can i do to be happy again?
what can i do to be stronger?
these are questions i need to answer for myself. perhaps some of you have some words of encouragement or advice. I am going to see a psychologist later this week and i hope that he can help answer some of these questions.
anyway, this has been a time of rambling but a good time none-the-less.
good night and good luck
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