its been a long time...

alright so since my last blog, a lot has changed...well not a lot but somethings have changed. I no longer have a girlfriend and I'm learning things about myself that i've either forgot about or just haven't thought about in a long time.

Broke up with adie two weeks ago. its been the longest two weeks of my life, but i think i am finally pulling through. i've allowed myself time to be sad and dwell on the loss and what not, which is healthy, but it's time to move on. A part of me wants to see things work out in the short term and get things back on track with her...but its just out of my hands. She broke up with me...therefore she has the power to take me back, but ultimately its up to God. Right now where I am at, I have just put my trust in God and pray that he brings me to the next positive thing for my life. Its really all that I can do as I continue to grow, and now without adie.

Anyway, i'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life, which for right now i think i will name "post college, pre-rest of my life andrew" lol pretty cheesy but thats how i'm feeling.

Its been a pretty chill weekend outside of friday night... Friday night was so much fun for a while then things turned for the worst. Went out with brady, mark, andy, and juan to do some skateboarding at the U. I messed up and forgot i had taken my board out of my car, so i didnt have anything to skate..but that was cool, just fun cruising around with the homies anyway. The whole day i was contemplating whether i was going to drink or not and since it had been almost a month since the last time i really got drunk i decided to have some liquor that night. That seemed like the right choice for the time being.

We pre-gamed a little at Juan and Brady's house, shotgunned a couple beers and pulled on our bottle of vodka. Then we started getting antsy so we started making the calls for the night to see what was going on. Found out a friend, Carolyn, was at a party in dinkytown and wanted us all to come. So we made the trek out to this party and it was a good time. Met some people, hung out on the front stoop, and had drank some more. Needless to say this Carolyn girl is foxy as hail and was looking pretty hot that night, but thats beside the point.

So we're hanging out and the party starts slowing down a little so juan calls up claire and katie and rachel and that whole crew so we can go to drew, jake, isaac, and joe's house for a kegger. We had a bunch of dudes in our crew so we figured the least we could do is bring a few ladies along. So we walk to this kegger and it was a nice little hike, the girls are anxious because a few of them aren't drunk yet and its like 12:30 so they were in a rush to get there. Anyway, we roll in and theres still plenty of keg beer and everything left. I walk in the kitchen and get prompted to do a keg stand. Did a keg stand and was up for like 17 seconds or something. it was awesome. So the party is bumpin, we're listening to some tribe called quest and other various hip-hop having a good time kickin it. Andy was mark and I's designated driver so i tell andy we can head out whenever he wants. So the keg runs dry and we decided to head out. this is about 1:45 or so in the morning. So me mark and andy are walking back to my car parked at brady's house. we're walking, just bullshitting and messing around. i'm pretty freakin drunk at this point, but this is what i remember, maybe someone can enlighten me, but a car full of drunk college boys pulls up and mark and i are talking shit for some reason and they talk shit back...they drive off and mark throws a bottle at the car. they pull over and decide to get out of the car to fight whoever threw the bottle. I tell mark we need to keep walking cus its 5 dudes on 3 and we have no chance on account of how belig we were.

anyway, mark runs his mouth and gets pushed. Funniest thing that I remember is Mark trying to like karate kick this kid and his kick just gets denied. a guy grabbed marks leg and just threw him down. lol but yea...we got our asses kicked. I got wrestled to the ground somehow and got my face smashed on the concrete. my lip is pretty cut up and i think my nose is broken, but i dont have medical insurance so i can't even afford to get an x-ray. So this was the ending to our night...

moral of the story, shouldn't have drank that night. Sobriety is probably still a good thing for me. So i laid low last night and just stayed in and watched a movie with my dad and christine.

Crazy old grandma neumiller is staying with us and has been here for a week. Getting old is scary. My grandma is either starting to get very senial or is just not very smart or something, cus she just rambles on about random stuff from her whole life. we could be talking about politics and she would bring up like some burglary that happened at her small towns grocery store like 18 years ago. it makes me not want to get old and is kinda sketchy.

still thinking about traveling. need to go see my buddy peter in korea sometime. I think teaching english somewhere in asia would be sweet. Korea would be my first choice, just so I could go to an unfamiliar place, but have a familiar friend be there with me. Otherwise my birth mom, kristi, has been talking to me about going to Japan. She use to live there and teach english. She was telling me the money is better in Japan, but the cost of living is also higher in Japan than korea. I think either would be a great opportunity for me. It would be a way to get away from minneapolis for a while and just take some time for myself. I love all my friends and family to pieces but theres only so much of one place that you can take for so long.

But its like 1:15 in the morning i need to go to bed. I've got work tomorrow, not til 11 but i work the double shift, so some sleep would probably be beneficial. PEACE AND LOVE!

just starting out...

So I decided to create one of these so i can get some things out of my head. Recently I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I know I need a lot of spiritual growth. I am anxious for new things to come, but at the same time I am nervous for my future.

Being young is awesome. being young should mean being free, but my financial status limits my freedom in this society. i don't like that. perhaps i have the wrong mentality about it...

I just got done with school which took 2 extremely short years. I sometimes wonder if IPR was the best choice for my post-high school education. I know I learned a lot, but i honestly didn't realize how competitive the music industry really is. I know i can make it, but i also know success isn't going to come easily.

I am jealous of my friends traveling the world right now. Peter is in korea, jostlund is in thailand, max is going to italy...it makes me want to travel and see the rest of the world.

living at my dad's house should have made things a lot more simple financially, but ever since i have moved in here i have seemed to lose my mental clarity.

I need a job. money sucks. i love all of my friends, but i feel like some of them are bringing me down...especially mary jane. i can't smoke pot anymore and i can't get drunk anymore. my partying days need to come to an end. they are only creating a distraction for me and the things i need to accomplish.

I need to be more strong mentally. I need to be more strong physically. I need to stop this endless cycle of self destruction. i steal because i cant afford. but why do I want these items so badly? why can't i just work to be able to afford the things I want. to me this seems much more rewarding.

how can i become the person that i want to be?
how can i break my co-dependence on adriana?
what makes me happy?
what do i want to achieve in life?
who do i want to be? as in what kind of traits would i like?
what am i looking for in a woman?
what can i do to be happy again?
what can i do to be stronger?

these are questions i need to answer for myself. perhaps some of you have some words of encouragement or advice. I am going to see a psychologist later this week and i hope that he can help answer some of these questions.

anyway, this has been a time of rambling but a good time none-the-less.

good night and good luck